Living with Bipolar Disorder

I have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and I must say that I feel a little relieved to know what is wrong with me. All of the mixed emotions that I was having Bipolar was the reason why.

Doctors call this depression, The sad feelings of not wanting to be alive anymore, feeling like I dont want to go on in in life anymore. Constantly thinking of ways that I can end this miserable life and go on to other side.

I dont love myself when I'm feeling this way. I wake up in the morning and struggle to get out of bed. " I'm still here" I say to myself its a terrible feeling.

I feel sad because I have to suffer through another day of this miserable way of feeling. I tell myself that I am a idiot for not having enough guts to end it. So I go to see my pschiatrist and he prescribes prystiq (desvenlafaxine )50 mg http://www.pristiq.com/ this is supposed to help the depression that I am feeling. I really can't say that it makes the depression go away but it does make you feel sort of numb so you won't be crying as much. That's a relief one more emotion that I wont have to deal with because the side effects are going to give many more conditions to deal with like nausea, dizziness, constipation and decreased appetite which I already had from the depression. So thats parrt of my daily regimine and I should clearly be on my way to a Bipolar Recovery.

My Doctor presribed Seroquel (http://schizophrenia.emedtv.com/quetiapine/quetiapine.html )50 mg for the Schizoprenic or manic stae of mind. When I take it I feel like I'm dreaming. Feelings of dizziness, fatigue, easily agitated, thoughts of suicide, dry mouth, gas, headaches and vertigo.

As if I didnt already feel bad from the depression and the manic feelings the medication that is prescribed to me makes me feel even worse. I thought that the doctors and pharmecutical companies are here for the relief of the symtoms, instead they make it worse. I dont quite know which way to go with the awful manic behavior. Problems concentrating at work, low sex drive, isolating myself from others, trouble performing everyday activities.

The excrutiating and agonizing list goes on. You have all the commercials and hype on tv about the treatments that you can talk to your doctor about. To no avail that you would end up a walking zombie lab rat for the pharmecutical companies. After you take the FDA and your doctors advice to take their temporary misguided solution to your long term psycotic problem.

My doctor prescribed Lamitical (Lamitrogine) to control the mood episodes. Now I am in a Lamitical Mood, another numbing agent, something to make me feel just as many moods than i had to begin with. when I am in a Lamitical mood i see with double vision, headache, lack of coordination, insomnia, sleepiness and rashes. feels like a double edged sword has cut me in half so that everyone can see the turmoil that is inside my mind and my life. Not quite sure who to trust on this emotinal rollercoaster that I am riding on. I begin to get confused on the dosage of the lamitical because I am gradually feeding it to myself as the doctor directed. So even the adminitration of this medication has a side effect confusion. http://www.lamictal.com